I’m scared to start this blog.
Sharing about life with ADHD is exciting to me. I know that I’ll learn a lot and have some helpful insights for myself along the way. And I think that I can help other people too.
I’m scared I won’t follow through with the blog. That I’ll get distracted and busy and not finish this project that I’ve started.
I could make a joke about ADHD here, and sometimes that would be appropriate. But I’ve started so many projects, and finished so few of them. They’re sitting unfinished all over my house and hard drive. Each one of them is a weight of shame for me. I know I should let go of that, but it’s hard too. Sometimes I can be gentle with myself about the unfinished things in my life. Often times I struggle.
Like many people with ADHD, I live with a sense of having already failed before I even try. I don’t dare feel confident because I’ve betrayed my confidence in myself so many times before.
So I’m scared to start this writing project, because I think it might become one more thing I don’t finish. One more thing I don’t follow through on. One more half-finished effort to add to the pile of shame.
So why am I choosing to start anyway?
Because I can’t stand the thought of giving up.
Not trying means giving up a little. Giving up a little seems like an easier road, but also a sadder road.
And I don’t think I’d like the end result of a lifetime of giving up a little all the time.
I want to try things, even if it means failing a lot of the time. I want to attempt big projects, even if it adds to the pile of unfinished. Because some of them, I will see through. Some things I will do well. And they might just add value to the world.